Happy Birthdays

It's not my birthday. It's my coach's birthday, and there's something wonderful yet wrong about a massive pineapple upside-down cake at the check-in desk in a gym.

But soon it will be my birthday, and I'll be 50. I'll spare you the familiar "oh, that's feels so old" and "only other people are 50 years old, not me" comments.

Turning 50 makes me feel powerful.

For 10 years I've been acquiring various kinds of boxing-related courage. People who are surprised to learn that I box ask, "Aren't you scared? Won't people hurt you?" There's a risk of that sometimes, but courage starts long before you spar with anyone. Even training can be intimidating. Shadowboxing, for example, is a typical warm-up activity. You stand in front of a mirror and throw punches. And it looks pretty cool, but the first time I did it I felt like a complete idiot. When you're shadowboxing, you're not usually getting coached and new people don't really the punches or how to move around. You have to decide for yourself what do throw and how to move while you're watching yourself in the mirror--and looking out of the corner of your eye to see if people are laughing. (They aren't.)  This is a good example of boxing courage training-wheels. It's not going to feel comfortable. Stop thinking that anyone else is paying attention to your rookie-ness.

My life now takes a different kind of courage. I've resigned from my corporate job. My body is more prone to injury ("they" say) and more prone to wrinkles (actually true). People who I've known and loved for fifty years die.

I've never done this before, but I'll figure it out. The people around me will offer help, probably not laugh at me, and will mostly be caught up in their own stuff. Feeling like an idiot doesn't last forever.

 

 

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